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Vampirism Is My Demise

by Victor Primavesi

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Victor Primavesi's 9-track sophomore album issued on all-back mini vinyl CD. Comes in six-panel digipack printed on high-quality glossy art cardboard with elaborate 24-page booklet including photography by Carolin Kloppe, liner notes, song lyrics and credits. Each copy may be signed and personalised upon request.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Vampirism Is My Demise via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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1.
Tired 02:03
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2.
An Orphic Ordeal 05:18
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I can see and I can hear… Am I past the inferno or is it near? What’s that noise? I can tell there’s a riot in every cell For how long will I lie here before I will disappear? Am I gone or on my way? I’m still where I never meant to stay Six feet above and overpowered, I woke up from my final hour Dug my hole too deep I guess I tried I am tall but too small inside How can I make this right? How can I stand upright? With a secret that buries me deeper than I’d longed to be From the familiar I am estranged What is real? And what has changed? A sour taste on my dry lips A burning fire in my finger tips I can’t breathe I can’t make a sound My knees give in I kiss the ground There is nothing feathery to how gravity summons me Six feet above and overpowered, I woke up from my final hour Dug my hole too deep I guess I tried I am tall but too small inside How can I make this right? How can I stand upright? With a secret that buries me deeper than I’d longed to be I had licked and sealed every envelope Wishes to loved ones full of hope A solemn greeting from beyond the grave Blood-stained last words I had saved I burnt all of them but I could not erase the act itself It did not incinerate How do you announce, how do you to say: “Hey, I am almost died, by the way” Six feet above and overpowered, I woke up from my final hour Dug my hole too deep I guess I tried I am tall but too small inside How can I make this right? How can I stand upright? With a secret that buries me deeper than I’d longed to be I never mentioned it to another soul Pretended it never happened But it had happened And that is why every day since felt like a lie (I thought I could forget) “Actually, I'm doing quite all right” “Well… you know what it’s like” (What am I still doing here?) I swallowed every subordinate clause I had no strength to plead my cause (I had made my peace with the past) Six feet above and overpowered, I woke up from my final hour Dug my hole too deep I guess I tried I am tall but too small inside How can I make this right? How can I stand upright? With a secret that buries me deeper than I’d longed to be
3.
My Hurt in Your Heart 04:42
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Yes, I can hear them Your nervous steps on the upper floor Yes, I can still hear it Our fight from the night before Yes, I can’t unsee them Your faint tears when I stormed off Yes, I can still hear them Your muffled cries amidst choked coughs It is confirmed We do incur the same sorrow How I’d prefer diverged form of our concern For our grieve not to concur In Jungian terms, that’s what occurs when the tortured become torturers I bleed into you with certainty And you will always bleed right into me The look in your eyes – it’s hard to miss I hate for you to see me like this My hurt in your heart My hurt in your heart Yes, I can I feel it The rope that cords the three of us Yes, I still remember All the things we did discuss Yes, I told you I can’t bluff a faith I haven’t got Yes, I know you must impede my self-destructive desire to bleed It is confirmed We do incur the same sorrow How I’d prefer diverged form of our concern For our grieve not to concur In Jungian terms, that’s what occurs when the tortured become torturers I bleed into you with certainty And you will always bleed right into me The look in your eyes – it’s hard to miss I hate for you to see me like this My hurt in your heart My hurt in your heart I know I’m broken But you know I will put myself together Without your help, I’m afraid, it would take forever I show my pain but you don’t show yours Although I know what you’ve endured But how can I live for all of us when I can’t earn my own trust? I bleed into you with certainty And you will always bleed right into me The look in your eyes – it’s hard to miss I hate for you to see me like this My hurt in your heart My hurt in your heart My hurt in your heart My hurt in your heart
4.
Anaemia 05:23
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With gloves slipped over my smutted fingers, I try to solve the riddle Afraid to touch it, I follow up its contour to the middle Empaled by motionlessness and prevalent dismay, I feel compelled to turn off the lights and their monstrous shadow play Zero and the negative is all I can conceive I am a piece of maimed chalk turning into a bereaved pile of sorry chalk powder A vanishing point of horror Beware of the vampire lusting under my skin For a rush of something A rush of anything Beware of the vampire who longs for just one thing To be touched by the faintest form of colouring Beware of the vampire lusting under my skin The brother I felt was my predecessor won’t return my call He’s closed his eyes to our shared trail of blood Now I’m hitting the wall I still have a sister or two out there and maybe another brother whose light always watches over me and helps me rediscover Why zero and the negative is all I can conceive I am a piece of maimed chalk turning into a bereaved pile of sorry chalk powder A vanishing point of horror Beware of the vampire lusting under my skin For a rush of something A rush of anything Beware of the vampire who longs for just one thing To be touched by the faintest form of colouring Beware of the vampire lusting under my skin I can’t bear to cast off my garments to reveal the scars I hide Peeled down to my bone marrow, I become the focus of my cynical eye A mirror to me is an empty frame displaying a travesty No, I don’t want to see what’s become of me Beside my bed I keep several oaken bullets I know they’d fail when put to the test But they ease the brunt I bear of every paper-thin day whose page I turn to no avail It’s said life is precious in every way, but is it still after a thousand years? Anaemia dictates the tides and waves of life force in my veins Every nightly act of defiance was an uproar choked by silence My glass isn’t half-full nor is it half-empty It broke to pieces – maybe that will tempt me to finally admit and realise that vampirism is my demise
5.
Of the Silent and Unquiet 04:52
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Demons, meet your host for the day A haunted man in disarray Enter a history of intrusion The kind of harm that I am used to A million teeth sunk into my back A knot of hands tied around my neck Courting death and obsession The grip of madness that won’t lessen Hear all of my ribs quake Hear how my spine starts to break Hear my skull break in two My voice starts to shake, but what else is new? Let me go, cut the strings Pour tar over my hinderings I know the state of our acquaintance I’m out of my last drop of patience Let me at least see your face before you proceed to misplace every bit of who I am out of the body that I’m still in I strain every nerve and sinew Every time I begin to hold the globe with a single finger In denial of dangers that linger in mistaking dazedness for a case of weightlessness Countless times I have fallen from the ceilings I’ve been crawling Feel my heart race See my eyes peeled for a chase See my empty ego rise to deceitful amounts of highs Let me go, cut the strings Pour tar over my hinderings I know the state of our acquaintance I’m out of my last drop of patience Let me at least see your face before you proceed to misplace every bit of who I am out of the body that I’m still in And there it comes The rain of ashes It covers me as it that detaches language from feeling from agility Until nothing is how it used to be It’ll take a few deaths and a summer before the pieces of my mind recover My burnt flesh will take long to heal The sight of ember has lost its appeal Reversed by silent, unquiet demons: The certain change of the seasons My line of sight bent into a maze, I am stuck in my own ways Where the fuck have I been? Who did I invite in? Was mercury in fucking retrograde? Is that why my life has been delayed? Let me go, cut the strings Pour tar over my hinderings I know the state of our acquaintance I’m out of my last drop of patience Let me at least see your face before you proceed to misplace every bit of who I am out of the body that I’m still in I don’t go out But I scream loud into my closed mouth when in doubt I hate myself and then I hate you I guess that is what I have to do to feel something I can really feel I have no sense of what is real I must bleed dry That’s what I do every time I’m halfway through
6.
Bluest of Delphiniums 04:17
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I don’t even want to know why we must say goodbye Or why we turn to stone in the haze of the gruelling unknown A blind end clearly nobody has chosen The distant and yet piercing sound of a well-known omen Which patron saint shall I turn to? What kind of miracle must ensue? To help you survive To find a cure in time For it lingers in our bones, our bones, our bones For this is how it roams, it roams, it roams Invisibly in our bones, our bones, our bones And this is how it shows, it shows, it shows I hate the speed of life and the way it ignores the quintessential nature of what it violates and then transforms How bright lights become shadows of themselves How the weak ones fall prey to a foreign and abysmal realm With all of their pain exposed Nothing left to disclose Nothing to protect or hold onto Nothing of value to get through For it lingers in our bones, our bones, our bones For this is how it roams, it roams, it roams Invisibly in our bones, our bones, our bones And this is how it shows, it shows, it shows In the anteroom again So many dreams that remain I’d give my all and so much more to see your spirits soar To make your journey dignified To save your face and shield your mind To return to a former place in time To force the stars to realign Even the dust in plain air won’t move around It seems it is our turn now to catch the ball on the rebound Our bones, our bones It shows, it shows
7.
The Pink Circle 05:40
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The pink circle was my favourite It was originally the hem of an old nightgown It felt more shiny than the other fabrics did I always had the blanket thrown so the triangle with the pattern of stars was always in the top left corner of my bed I don’t know why I don’t know why I don’t know why I don’t know why So many old shirts, childhood clothes, old uniforms went into this patchwork quilt They were stitches in time What we used to call the fabric of life My grandmother made it for my mother, who then handed it down to me
 I don’t know where it is now It’s one of the things I regret either giving away, damaging, or losing along all the moves in my life I don’t know why I don’t know why I don’t know why I don’t know why Somewhere, someone will cherish it now, or I'd like to think so anyway
 Discarded scraps, each with their own story, stitched together to create a whole other story A lifetime of memories, each new owner adding to the narrative
 Patches of life Slung over chairs and children Crumpled under dogs and feet Snuggled close to hearts Cried into with chewed corners over night The pink circle was my favourite It was originally the hem of an old nightgown It felt more shiny than the other fabrics did I don’t know why I don’t know why I don’t know why I don’t know why
8.
Letters to Franz 04:37
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For so long I’ve been writing to you, Franz Whenever in need of your luminance You say silence avoids you like the sea avoids a stranded fish Franz, tell me, is it true? Are we alone in this? Daybreak steals my lucency I really need your words to hold me Please give me something, please fulfil my request because no-one will say the words, ask the question, release me from my mute suspension Inside of me, there is a fire An unquenched flickering desire I go up in smoke and no-one sees a thing Too many harmonies for one voice to sing The winds of change whispered to me that everything comes and goes, they guaranteed the gift of hope is on its way It’ll sprout in time and is here to stay Franz, am I as deranged as they say? I’m plotting which conduct to disobey But what am I without my Joker smile? I stand no chance in this trial I waltz into a cheerful room to a mellow but unheard funeral march Over time I learned every single step and made it to my personal art You say you could have built the pyramids with the strength it took you to stay alive Well, I guess I then could have flown to Mars, through the perseids to where my Northern star lies What more can I say? It’s a brand new day What more can I say? I’ll let it have its way What more can say? Same hours on replay What more can I say? I’ll let them have their way What more can I say? It’s a brand new day What more can I say? I’ll let it have its way What more can say? Same hours on replay What more can I say? Please tell me something to make it through this day This day This day This day
9.
Pygmalion 06:07
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When my hope ran empty and love had passed me by, I turned to you to testify if I had lived a lie As days turned to weeks and to years, daylight had deprived me of my ability to let the dark subside All the offerings made to charm my ill-designed fate… On top of the hills I had tried to climb appeared a ghost of curved lines I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to life I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to my side I can only go as far as I have gone before to feel the warming, soft embrace of what I asked for I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to life I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to my side In the hands of the sculptor lies their own fate A tool that needs to conquer all envy, vice and hate I fall into the open arms I carved from noble stone Rested in this ice-cold bosom, I feel less alone What will become of you, my dear, when I will find the key to that hidden heart of yours that is meant for no-one else but me? I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to life I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to my side I can only go as far as I have gone before to feel the warming, soft embrace of what I asked for I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to life I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to my side If I need to, I will find a way to crawl inside of you To hear my heart echo in the darkness inside of you Now I’m in yours as you were in mine, that is now past our time Until the end of my days, I’ll whisper to you until you understand I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to life I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to my side I can only go as far as I have gone before to feel the warming, soft embrace of what I asked for I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to life I’ll love you, I will love you, I’ll love you to my side

about

𝙑𝘼𝙈𝙋𝙄𝙍𝙄𝙎𝙈 𝙄𝙎 𝙈𝙔 𝘿𝙀𝙈𝙄𝙎𝙀 is the story of a vampire who struggles to break through infinity and who finds himself drying out, fading away with each new day that passes. The album is essentially a documentation of final words, first words, regret, abysmal disconsolacy and the absence of hope. Set within mysterious and reverberant soundscapes of pianos, eerie vintage keyboards, mellotrons, various samples and occasional drum programming, it is a deeply psychological exploration of all things dark and uneasy.

All songs were written, recorded, mixed and mastered from May to November 2020 by Victor Primavesi. “The Pink Circle” is a song-adaptation of Holly Raeburn's poem “to love and to honour you,” published in collaboration with Giuseppe Lama as part of their sensational book 'Visions from the Other Side.'

credits

released December 18, 2020

Written, recorded, mixed and mastered by VICTOR PRIMAVESI.
Lyrics to “The Pink Circle” written by HOLLY RAEBURN.

Art direction and design by VICTOR PRIMAVESI.
Photography by CAROLIN KLOPPE.
Hair by NICLAS HÜBNER for Garzareck Coiffeur/Cosmetics.
Make-up created by STEPHANIE KORELL for Kryolan.
Custom pieces designed by Milla & Konstantine Art Fabrics.

Packaging printed and assembled by Online-Druck GmbH & Co. KG.
CDs manufactured by Keldenich & Weinberg GbR.

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Victor Primavesi

Songwriter of the gloomy persuasion.

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